ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
