We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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