I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize