Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
