seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
