I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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