I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
