I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
