he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
