Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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