yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize