i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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