your thong is hanging out like whoa
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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