There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
