I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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