Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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