i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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