I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
