why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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