Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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