Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
