is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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