OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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