Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
