God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I cockslap morals
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
