Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
