There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
