Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
