Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
