how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
