I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
