i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
