I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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