Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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