You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
