Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
