Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
