He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
