Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
