Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
