false alarm. still invincible.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
