You work out of a Hotel?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
