she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
