Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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