I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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