$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
