By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
