Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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