THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
