why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
