I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
