All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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