I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
