It's Friday. Sex?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drake has all the answers
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
