brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
