Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
