Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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