My hand turned me down
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
