I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
